If you have to enter your name and email address, click the Submit button, check email, open a message, and click a link, then go to a site and download a file, it is not instant.

Yeah, yeah, “everybody knows” the offers are not *literally* free or instant, and that’s the problem. If that is the way you communicate as a marketer, why should buyers believe *anything* you say?

Now there is a new one: “support”. This week I “instantly” downloaded some “free” software. A prominent icon on the download page indicated that it would run in Mac OS X, but it does not.

It should, since it is written to run in Adobe Air, a cross-platform, ah, platform software. But no.

So I put in a support ticket. On the Help page (which did not mention my problem) was a prominent phone number. “Call us for quick help.” So I called.

The person who answered the phone knew nothing, wanted to know nothing, and could not seem to figure out why I bothered her. “You can look at the Help page.”

“I did. It did not help. It said to call this number.”

“On the Help page, you can put in a ticket.”

“I did,” I said. “The page said for faster help to call this number.” Irony was lost on her.

“Well, I’m not tech support. I’m sure they will respond soon.”

They did respond soon. (I’m pretty sure it was the same person, Victoria.) The message was, “If you need help, please go to our Help page.” (The one where I started.) “If you do not see your problem answered there, you can put in a Help ticket. “

It was clear that the person who answered the Help ticket had not actually read the Help ticket. So I replied, pointing that out.

Same person answered, “I am not a technical support specialist, but you can go to our Help page. If you do not see your question answered there, you can put in a Help ticket.”

Honestly I am not making any of this up—-or exaggerating even a tiny bit.

I have been a customer of this yoyo company. Do you think I will ever buy anything from them again? Noooooooo!

Meanwhile I got half a dozen email messages from that company the same day, offering to sell me things. (Talk about irony impaired!)

I don’t think so!

The objection to automatically played sound or video is not just personal. It’s practical, too. (But many of us also consider it to be rude.)

Like many Internet users, I’m a multitasker. So when I hit your site, I may be already listening to an instructional MP3 or video, not to mention music I like, or a business telephone conversation.

Your message overrides whatever it is that I’m choosing to hear. That it is extremely annoying.  If I want to hear your message, I will turn it on.

Sometimes it takes me awhile to find the Off button. If it takes more than a couple of seconds, I close the window and usually don’t go back.

Bear in mind that some of us are searching for information from a client’s office. Or we may be at work at a regular job. Even if we are searching for a product like yours for our client and employer, the autoplay sales pitch sounds like we are goofing off, just surfing the web.

Even if we are on a break or lunch, your blaring ad—especially with loud music—can make us look bad. We hate that!

Not to mention that the sound may disturb our cubicle neighbors who are trying to do work that requires serious concentration. Some of them may complain. Others may be encouraged to make noise that later makes it hard for us to concentrate. Autoplay sound is unprofessional.

So if you competitor does not blare at us, and your competitor has a comparable product, guess who gets our business? That’s right: not you!

So think about that instead of how cool you think you sound...if your goal is to make sales.

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• Disable AutoPlay Through The Registry (lockergnome.com)

Heed their feedback. It’s a warning.

Customers who complain are doing you a big favor. Instead of telling you that there is a problem, they could just go away mad—and tell all their friends.

Just because you have not encountered the problem yourself, that does not mean it is not real. It means that your interface, documentation, web design, or *something* is at fault, and you need to fix it.

And just because no one has complained before, that does not mean there has not been a problem all along.

Quit assuming that the customer is always wrong / stupid / lazy / dishonest. And even if you think that, do not let it show.

And the customer who is trying out a free service or product today (and complaining when it does not work as advertised) is not being “ungrateful.” Grow up! You’re in business.

That complaining, grouchy customer gave you a chance. They could have become your biggest fan. But you failed them.

Good marketers rise to the challenge, accept complaints as feedback, and make sure the customer is happy. That is how you keep customers and get new ones by referral. Sarcasm is not.

Sure, a grouchy customer could be just a mean person. Or they could be just having a bad day. And your product and/or inadequate service and support could just be the cause of that bad day.

So be nice. And pay attention. You could learn a lot.

Customers who speak up are valuable. And they are the tip of the problem iceberg. For every one who speaks up, there are lots more who simply leave in disgust—and tell their friends.

Think about it.

So why make it so that only those who have the latest, up-to-the-minute versions of software installed can watch it? When you do that, you lose a lot of potential customers!

Unless your video is demonstrating the latest special effects game, software, or movie, and your audience is young, affluent geekboys, you don’t need the latest version of Flash, released 5 minutes ago.

Today I received an email with a link to a video touting an Internet marketing product. From past experience with the seller, this will be a talking-head video. It will not need special effects. Five-year-old technology would work just fine.

Yet here I am with a less-than-one-year-old state-of-the-art laptop, and I can’t watch it because I don’t have Flash 10.1.01.1.1.1….whatever. In case it’s not obvious, that’s bad marketing.

(Yes, yes, I stopped work, closed all 25 browser windows and some other stuff, and installed it, but most people can’t or won’t bother to do that.)

Most people are not running the latest version of anything. If they are using their computer at work, they can’t. Most corporations deliberately stay at least a year behind the latest—and sometimes more—they want to wait for the bugs to be swatted and the security patches to be available before they update their software. It saves support costs. 

Corporate IT departments also set up the computers so that users cannot install anything not provided by IT. That also saves greatly on support costs.

And most people at home do not have the latest and greatest. Many do not even have the latest operating system. Like the big corporations, they may feel “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Or, no matter how intelligent and well educated, they may not want to get into PC maintenance.  You would be surprised how many affluent people just buy a new computer every two or three years—just like the big corporations they work for or with—instead of installing new software all the time. Adults are often using hand-me-downs from their high-school or college-age kids!

So if you eliminate everyone (even executives) using corporate computers (including laptops), everyone who is too busy/lazy to update software all the time, and also those who are using older computers and possibly cannot run the latest version of, say, Flash, you have just eliminated a huge percentage of potential customers—whatever your product. 

Is that smart? I don’t think so.

There’s a reason they call it “the bleeding edge.” You’re bleeding profits.

What I purely hate is when they call me. Calling can be a good marketing tool, but it should be used very, very rarely and wisely. Marketers who call to give me a sales pitch get a quick brush-off, especially if they got my phone number under false pretenses.

I never agree to calls. And I’m not very nice when people interrupt my day or evening with a phone call. 

On the other hand, an on-line marketing genius named Howie Schwartz calls frequently, and I welcome the calls. Why? He calls as a reminder of his webinars that I’ve signed up for.

Howie’s are automated calls, and they are truly helpful. I tend to get busy and forget webinars, and I find his really entertaining and useful.

Now if everyone else starts doing that, starts imitating Howie and calling me to bug me about their webinars, I will probably just unsubscribe from their lists. 

So the moral of this story is, “Don’t bug people.” If you manage to wangle someone’s phone number, treat it as golden. If they signed up for email from you, stick to that unless they give you permission to call—and unless you are truly doing them a service. 

You will sell a lot more products by respecting other people’s time and resources. 

And that’s all I have to say about that.

I’m not saying you have to give anyone anything. Far from it. You are in business. No one expects that.

But be honest about what you are offering. Whether it’s a forced-continuity membership or “low fee for shipping,” that is not free. If there are any strings attached that require payment, it is not free.

[Whether or not "free" actually applies to things you give in return for the site visitor narking on---I mean, giving you the email addresses of---his or her friends is another quibble for another day.]

If you are offering a gift with purchase (normally referred to in Internet marketing as “a bonus”), say so. Call it a bonus. Don’t pretend it is a gift.

All these little scams (and, Yes, they are scams on a small scale) are simply making me unsubscribe from your list and/or delete your mail without opening. Do you think I’m the only one? Thank again.

Look at it this way: If you will scam me on small things, why should I trust you at all?

And on that shipping and handling scam: The last thing I need is more CDs or DVDs to store. Plus, this is the Web. If I want your info at all, I want it right now! Not whenever the post office gets around to processing it.

So there. I’ve said it. I feel better. How about you?

The goal is to make money by linking to offers to get people to buy things. Supposedly other Twitter users will like and trust you and want to buy from you because they feel that they know you.

I am twittering. In fact, I have several Twitter IDs, one for each niche I blog in, because my niches range from angels and art to political snarkery, marketing snarkery, and how to talk like a Texan—among others.

You can reach me at any of the following Twitter IDs: AngelWords, ArtFunCheap, DreamVisions, Glitzkat, KathleenGresham, kgresham, MarketingSnark, SnarkRemarks, TexasTalk, WhiteCranes, and a few others.

What I’m seeing, though, is that people are  just following other Twitter users wholesale in order to reciprocally build up their total followers. So who are these people?

If you have hundreds (or even dozens) of followers, how do you keep from being drowned out by the noise? I do weed out the really awful ones, but…even the ones that are left are not a focussed group—-for any of my IDs except maybe the Texas one.. Maybe.

Aren’t they all drowning each other out? How can they get any sense of my personality when I’m drowned out on my own Twitter streams?

And personally I don’t care about the really personal stuff—the stuff Twitter started for. Usually it is boring. I do not care what anybody ate for lunch. Originally I unfollowed anyone who was boring, but it is too late for that now.

So it seems to me that a Twitter following is like a very unfocused general mailing list. You have no way to know who is listening. Most followers do not know or care about you. Almost all of them are trying to sell something or other—-from real estate to Internet marketing products.

Shefren’s model seems to be based on the idea that people follow you because they know you and want to hear whatever you have to say—-even ordinary, personal stuff—like following a rock star. For Internet marketing legends like Shefren, that may be true.

But what if you are just an ordinary marketer? What if you are building up a Twitter following by using one of the services like TwitterGetter? What about for the rest of us?

This issue has been bothering me lately. (I did use TwitterGetter. Now I’m not sure that was a good idea.) 

So what do you think?

1. Many people check out web sites at the office. In a cubicle you cannot afford to have some sound blaring out. It annoys coworkers. And it looks bad. It sounds like you’re just aimlessly surfing—even if you are looking for something for work!

2. Those who visit your site from home may be surfing late, late at night. Nobody wants to wake up their kids or partner with your stupid web site. You have plenty of competitors that don’t do that.

3. Many of us do not use earphones, or may not have them plugged in at all times. Music or voices blaring out suddenly can be infuriating for many reasons.

4. If your site visitor is already listening to music or a video, the self-playing audio cuts across it, so they can’t really understand either one. So that’s waste of time. And guess which browser window they are going to close. That’s right: yours!

5. As a site visitor, I have a right to listen to what I want to, not what you want me to. So I get really annoyed. If I want to hear what you have to say, I’ll click the Start button and listen. If not, I have a right not to listen.

6. You’re just not that cute. Some marketers have voices like fingernails on a chalkboard. Others just sound stupid. How can you be sure that the impression you are creating is actually helping your business? At least, if the site visitor has the option to not listen, then if they do listen, it is because they are interested in what you have to say. If they choose to listen, they will forgive much more if your presentation is less than professional.

7. It’s just plain rude. On some level everyone knows that, and it makes you look bad. It suggests that you don’t respect your potential customers. It makes site visitors subliminally wonder what your customer services would be like. In short, it turns people off, even if they don’t leave right away—and many will leave right away.

So think twice before you put yourself out there. If you offer an audio presentation, fine. If you force it on site visitors, that’s counterproductive. Either way, audio is no substitute for a good visual presentation with good content. 

So give your site visitors a choice, and they will be much more receptive.

Just in case you think this does not apply to you, consider this. There is a professional TV presenter with whom I will not do business ever, because he (being so sure that he is so professional and so cute), forces his self-playing video on all visitors to his sites.

Consequently I cannot stand the man. And I often unsubscribe from the list of any marketer who sends me one of his offers. 

Yes, self-playing audio and video are that annoying. Let’s face it, you’re just not that cute. But even if you are that cute, bad manners make a bad impression.

Visitors deserve to have a choice of whether to listen to you or not. And we reserve the option to listen, or not, on our own schedule, not yours.

Does this Constitute Fraud?

Just last night I listened to a guy urging people to do those things. 

On the webinar the guy used as an example a niche that he *clearly* (and admittedly) knew nothing about. Yet part of his sales copy was a *guarantee* that the processes he made up or swiped and cobbled together were not only effective (How on *earth* would he know?) but also safe. In a field that is extremely active and known to be physically quite dangerous.

Can you say “lawsuit waiting to happen when someone is injured or killed”? And rightly so. In effect, the guy is urging us to commit fraud.

Can you imagine that he is going to do more than refund the purchase price when his product (and his *guarantee*) result in someone being crippled and confined to a wheelchair for life? Yeah. Right.

Abusing Private Label Rights (PLR) Products

I recently feel for a sales ploy and bought another “brand new” super duper, highly touted “complete step-by-step system”. It not only led to the kind of OTO bait-and-switch process I described in a recent post, it also turned out to be a barely relabeled PLR product. It was so bad that parts of the OTO still had the title of the original ebook in the header. 

Fair enough, you may say, if it was a good product. But it was crap. It was fluff. Generalities. Nothing useful.

Not only might I already have owned it. (Who wants to pay twice for the same ebook with a different title and cover?) It was useless to anyone. So far from being a complete, step-by-step process, it was actually just several “modules” of…well, nothing much. And old, vague, useless nothing much at that—but with important-sounding titles.

So if anyone tells you to create products on topics you know nothing about, don’t do it. At the very least, you will be unmasked and laughed out of your chosen niche. At worst, you could end up sued for everything you own—or, in some jurisdictions, even end up in jail. 

If you are going to repackage private label rights products, start with *good* ones. Then really do something to improve them. Combine two or three to make one much better product. Add information. Update instructions. Contribute some useful ideas.

In other words, create a new product. Make the product actually worth the money for your customers. 

That is how you develop a good reputation and a loyal following. Come on, take the pledge: “No more crappy products!” There now, don’t you feel better?

So I click the link and arrive at a subscription form. If I’m already on your list, why do I have to resubscribe? That’s annoying, for obvious reasons.

But I do it. And what do I get? An error message, saying that I am already subscribed to that list.

What’s wrong with this picture? Several things, but from the marketer’s point of view, besides the obvious annoyance to the customers, there’s this: The smarter customers will simply a different email address to resubscribe—planning to unsub later.

So your list is artificially expanded—with duplicate subscriptions—which cost you extra money of you use aweber.com or a similar premium-quality autoresponder service. 

In case you are wondering, not all marketers do it that way. Surely you’ve noticed. If not, you need to pay more attention to details. 

Unless you like wasting money and annoying potential customers.